I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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