roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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