the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Randomize
