It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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