I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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