Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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