Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
