the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
