oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
