I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
