Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
