He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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