if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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