We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
