i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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