you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
is wine microwaveable?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
