I can't watch pbs sober anymore
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
