it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize