So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
