It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
