Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
