a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
