OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
