Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
