Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
