so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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