Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
