this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
