Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
