Plan B is the new Plan A
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
