I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
3pm strippers are depressing
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
