Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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