The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
