Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
