you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
