her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
