dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
