franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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