come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Someone came in the potted fern
Sext me about skeletons
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize