I want to have your abortion
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
