She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
