Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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