hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
