I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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