i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
