Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
