We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
