Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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