Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
