just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
