just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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