We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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