i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
