dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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