A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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