When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
