I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She just used a chaser for red wine.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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