Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
