He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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