Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
