you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
