Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
