even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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