I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
