Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
