honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
