She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
