yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Welp...herpes.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
