WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
