Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
