go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
